No, me NOT love you long time

Written in 2016, I failed to publish due to worry about backlash. Here it is now:

I recently received a gift from some in-law family members – non –Asians and very Caucasian, I’ll say. It was a simple wooden sign/plaque with the words “Me Love You Long Time” on it. I really didn’t know how to take it at first and just took the Asian way out, graciously smiling and thanking them for the nice thought. It’s so “cute,” I said as I laughed it off , choosing to focus on the thought that counted and not the possible racially-charged insult. I smiled and said thank you and was truly grateful that they chose to think about me during their vacation. 

But something about it bugged me and I didn’t have time to really think through why it bugged me so much until now. 

So where did this “me love you long time” expression start? I remember hearing it for the first time in 1989 in high school in that Two Live Crew song about being horny. I remember cringing of course whenever I would hear it, usually at some house party, surrounded by typical, white-bread suburban jocks who thought it was so funny. And of course, I had my share of dealing with those same jocks as they tried to get me to say it, laughing and riding me about it. Yes I was bullied a lot – it was the 80s and I lived in a small town in upstate New York. And small-town jocks can be dicks, so yes I did grow to really hate that song and the resulting cultural phenom that it left in it’swake.

Once I had my first real adult relationship with my now ex-husband, it became a private joke between the two of us, in the 90s. Me sucky sucky and all that. It made us giggle and laugh because I was FAR from that stereotypical Vietnamese prostitutefrom the Full Metal Jacket movie and he was far from a typicalwhite male douche due to his deeply artistic background. But it didn’t bother me, and we did say it a lot back then. But TO EACH OTHER.

So when my brother in law and his wife presented me with this gift, purchased during their recent trip to Hawaii and meant as a thank you for watching their house and pets, I struggled with my feelings. Should I just ignore that feeling in the pit of my stomach signaling something was not right, or the slow hot feeling of anger as it crept up the back of my neck. Like, c’mon Emmy just blow it off – it is a popular culture expression now and everyone has heard of it and probably uses it and they don’t MEAN to be racist or insulting or make you feel uncomfortable. So it’s in your head – just join in and laugh. After all, if you can’t laugh at yourself then maybe you do sucky sucky, right? 

Noo, not right. And hey maybe I am wrong here, but this is just how I feel. It fuckin’ bugged me and bugged me for the two weeks after until I had more time to think this through. The thing is, I’m NOT okay with it becoming part of pop culture. And I am certainly NOT okay for it now to be so acceptable that it is printed on “decorations” meant for others to buy and display on their wall/office/home/place of business. It somehow makes it okay to use this expression that really is not right, saying that all Asian woman with accents (or without, for that matter – I have never spoken any other language than English and do not have an accent) are there for your whore-ing pleasure. And that we all love to suck dick for profit. And that we somehow will love you long time no matter how shitty you treat us.

Then I remembered a very recent situation that happened to me over this past summer. While on a visit to Austin, TX (the state that is so known for their acceptance of non –alabaster skinned folks) I was approached by a homeless man. He was young, maybe in his 30s, seemingly not as grungy as other homeless I’ve encountered in NYC, SF and San Jose (a place infamous for their build-up of homeless encampments, rising up in the shadow of the tech bubble.) He asked for money, I said no I don’t have any. Then as he walked away, he was clearly mad and as his anger rose, he turned around and yelled “Me love you long time, bitch!!”  Yes. That did happen. And YES, this Aries bitch did LOSE HER SHIT and began to yell at the top of my lungs “You dirty fuckin racist bigoted ASSHOLE. Shut the fuck up and keep walking, you little shit. How dare you fucking fuckety fuck fuck say that cock-sucking shit to me you worthless piece of street trash..” or something like that. 

My point being – if in that situation it is racist what this homeless bum said to me, then why is it okay to print it on a wood plaque? It isn’t. if we accept the wood plaque then we accept that it is okay for this person or anyone to say this, and if said to an Asian woman, we should just laugh because society has accepted it. It’s just an expression, after all, right? It was in a movie we loved or in a song that we used to really love dancing to, so it is okay?

Well it really isn’t okay. And I hope I never see this plaque being sold again. In my mind, I’ve forgiven my extended family yet I have not explained my feelings about it to them. I plan to and hope that they can understand and not pull the “oh it was just a joke we thought was funny” card.

So, no, I won’t love you long time, I don’t want to sucky sucky, and no I’m not here for your sick submissive-Asian-girl fantasies. 

Please, let’s kill “Me Love You Long Time.” 

Me no likey.

 

Funny face... not too funny

Seriously? This is what my girlhood nightmares were made of...

why the "dumb" teeth and slanty-eyes??? Thanks Pillsbury for perpetuating endless years of feeling inadequate and always on the brink of being made fun of.

Margaret and Me

I was mistaken for Margaret Cho... again. But this time in Minnesota and it took on an entirely different meaning than my average "hey are you Margaret Cho?" story.

Ain't Too Tall to Beg

I was in a meeting today and at a break I stood up, strategically "picked at" a few clothing items to "re-adjust," and proceeded to walk about.  That's when a BWF (Blonde White Female) manager who I've only spoken to on the phone up until now, says to me, LOUDLY and audibly to others in the vicinity, "Oh! Emmybean, I didn't realize how TALL you were! WOW! I've only spoken to you on the phone! Isn't that funny?! I didn't know you were this taaaa-ahhhll!"
Uh um what. the. fuck. I really wanted to say "oh you mean I'm tall...for an Asian. right?" But I didn't. (jerkstore) Instead I was mortified. And pissed. Why?

Numbah-One: Please please PLEASE don't draw any undue attention to me in public, especially based on ANYTHING physical going on with me. Okay? Is that too much to ask for at work?

Two:  Why did she think I was short? Because I have a chinky last name and all asian women are tiny? Or is there something in my very "phone presence" that makes me sound...small, so that when meeting me in person my height is that much of a surprise? Guess I gotta consider that...just to be fair.

C:  Am I now considered "circus-freak tall" because I'm Asian AND I'm over 5'5? Great.

And finally, the TOPPER....she had actually MET me in PERSON before this!!!! She must have just "forgotten." So now I'm forgettable AND too tall for my race? Thanks, bitch!

Now I know this person probably "didn't mean it like that" and had no malicious intent... right?  And it's just a harmless observation on her part, a slip of the tongue...right?  Or is there something more subversive going on here? Despite my sarcasm, I don't profess to know. It just made me feel bad.

Made in USA

I'm a 3rd generation American-born Asian mutt. I'm Chinkorean - chinese and korean. And NO I don't speak Korean or Chinese... why? Um my parents spoke English to each other.  I'm a child of the 80s and grew up in the suburbs of upstate NY where we were the only "orientals" in the neighborhood. At 5'9 I'm also the largest Asian that most people have seen outside of a full-on regulation basketball court. I've been asked "what are you?" way too many times than I'd like to remember. And that question is typically the last in a series of "where are you from? (NY) No, I mean where were you born? (Connecticut) No, I mean what arrre you?" interrogations.


I'm on a mission for us Asian-Americans to take back ownership of the word "chink". Just like African-Americans took back the "N-word" why can't we do the same with the "CH-word"? Chink, that is (must add the "h" to distinguish what I mean here, right?) Imagine a time when it would be okay to greet other Asian-Americans with a "Hey Chink whassup?" and we'd feel a sense of comraderie and ownership and understanding of each other. It would be something that would bring us closer together and would hopefully make others (non Asians) refrain from it. It would be a "We can use it but you can't because we are owning it and have changed the meaning of it." So why is it that this has not happened? What is it in the Asian DNA that still makes us feel embarrassed, mad, upset by this word? Maybe it's not DNA per se, and I think this may sound like I'm blaming us Asians. I don't profess to know everything about everything  however that being said, WHY is still my question. There are good things, I mean GREAT things about being Chinky. And there are definite signs of chinky behavior that we will explore more in future blog posts.


Recently, I used the CH-word out loud to a "white" acquaintance of mine and she was aghast -  "You can't use that word!!" I then was the one aghast and explained vehemently that "People who look like you have called me that all the time growing up. So don't tell me I can't use that word!" WTF, right?! I think I scared her. She doesn't talk to me much anymore.


So in the words of Jeri Blank, I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY! And lots of experience to share and stories that will hopefully make you laugh, cry, or feel SOMEthing.
And yeah, there...I said it...GetCHINKY!! Now deal with it. |-)