I was in a meeting today and at a break I stood up, strategically "picked at" a few clothing items to "re-adjust," and proceeded to walk about. That's when a BWF (Blonde White Female) manager who I've only spoken to on the phone up until now, says to me, LOUDLY and audibly to others in the vicinity, "Oh! Emmybean, I didn't realize how TALL you were! WOW! I've only spoken to you on the phone! Isn't that funny?! I didn't know you were this taaaa-ahhhll!"
Uh um what. the. fuck. I really wanted to say "oh you mean I'm tall...for an Asian. right?" But I didn't. (jerkstore) Instead I was mortified. And pissed. Why?
Numbah-One: Please please PLEASE don't draw any undue attention to me in public, especially based on ANYTHING physical going on with me. Okay? Is that too much to ask for at work?
Two: Why did she think I was short? Because I have a chinky last name and all asian women are tiny? Or is there something in my very "phone presence" that makes me sound...small, so that when meeting me in person my height is that much of a surprise? Guess I gotta consider that...just to be fair.
C: Am I now considered "circus-freak tall" because I'm Asian AND I'm over 5'5? Great.
And finally, the TOPPER....she had actually MET me in PERSON before this!!!! She must have just "forgotten." So now I'm forgettable AND too tall for my race? Thanks, bitch!
Now I know this person probably "didn't mean it like that" and had no malicious intent... right? And it's just a harmless observation on her part, a slip of the tongue...right? Or is there something more subversive going on here? Despite my sarcasm, I don't profess to know. It just made me feel bad.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Made in USA
I'm a 3rd generation American-born Asian mutt. I'm Chinkorean - chinese and korean. And NO I don't speak Korean or Chinese... why? Um my parents spoke English to each other. I'm a child of the 80s and grew up in the suburbs of upstate NY where we were the only "orientals" in the neighborhood. At 5'9 I'm also the largest Asian that most people have seen outside of a full-on regulation basketball court. I've been asked "what are you?" way too many times than I'd like to remember. And that question is typically the last in a series of "where are you from? (NY) No, I mean where were you born? (Connecticut) No, I mean what arrre you?" interrogations.
I'm on a mission for us Asian-Americans to take back ownership of the word "chink". Just like African-Americans took back the "N-word" why can't we do the same with the "CH-word"? Chink, that is (must add the "h" to distinguish what I mean here, right?) Imagine a time when it would be okay to greet other Asian-Americans with a "Hey Chink whassup?" and we'd feel a sense of comraderie and ownership and understanding of each other. It would be something that would bring us closer together and would hopefully make others (non Asians) refrain from it. It would be a "We can use it but you can't because we are owning it and have changed the meaning of it." So why is it that this has not happened? What is it in the Asian DNA that still makes us feel embarrassed, mad, upset by this word? Maybe it's not DNA per se, and I think this may sound like I'm blaming us Asians. I don't profess to know everything about everything however that being said, WHY is still my question. There are good things, I mean GREAT things about being Chinky. And there are definite signs of chinky behavior that we will explore more in future blog posts.
Recently, I used the CH-word out loud to a "white" acquaintance of mine and she was aghast - "You can't use that word!!" I then was the one aghast and explained vehemently that "People who look like you have called me that all the time growing up. So don't tell me I can't use that word!" WTF, right?! I think I scared her. She doesn't talk to me much anymore.
So in the words of Jeri Blank, I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY! And lots of experience to share and stories that will hopefully make you laugh, cry, or feel SOMEthing.
And yeah, there...I said it...GetCHINKY!! Now deal with it. |-)
I'm on a mission for us Asian-Americans to take back ownership of the word "chink". Just like African-Americans took back the "N-word" why can't we do the same with the "CH-word"? Chink, that is (must add the "h" to distinguish what I mean here, right?) Imagine a time when it would be okay to greet other Asian-Americans with a "Hey Chink whassup?" and we'd feel a sense of comraderie and ownership and understanding of each other. It would be something that would bring us closer together and would hopefully make others (non Asians) refrain from it. It would be a "We can use it but you can't because we are owning it and have changed the meaning of it." So why is it that this has not happened? What is it in the Asian DNA that still makes us feel embarrassed, mad, upset by this word? Maybe it's not DNA per se, and I think this may sound like I'm blaming us Asians. I don't profess to know everything about everything however that being said, WHY is still my question. There are good things, I mean GREAT things about being Chinky. And there are definite signs of chinky behavior that we will explore more in future blog posts.
Recently, I used the CH-word out loud to a "white" acquaintance of mine and she was aghast - "You can't use that word!!" I then was the one aghast and explained vehemently that "People who look like you have called me that all the time growing up. So don't tell me I can't use that word!" WTF, right?! I think I scared her. She doesn't talk to me much anymore.
So in the words of Jeri Blank, I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY! And lots of experience to share and stories that will hopefully make you laugh, cry, or feel SOMEthing.
And yeah, there...I said it...GetCHINKY!! Now deal with it. |-)
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