Written in 2016, I failed to publish due to worry about backlash. Here it is now:
I recently received a gift from some in-law family members – non –Asians and very Caucasian, I’ll say. It was a simple wooden sign/plaque with the words “Me Love You Long Time” on it. I really didn’t know how to take it at first and just took the Asian way out, graciously smiling and thanking them for the nice thought. It’s so “cute,” I said as I laughed it off , choosing to focus on the thought that counted and not the possible racially-charged insult. I smiled and said thank you and was truly grateful that they chose to think about me during their vacation.
But something about it bugged me and I didn’t have time to really think through why it bugged me so much until now.
So where did this “me love you long time” expression start? I remember hearing it for the first time in 1989 in high school in that Two Live Crew song about being horny. I remember cringing of course whenever I would hear it, usually at some house party, surrounded by typical, white-bread suburban jocks who thought it was so funny. And of course, I had my share of dealing with those same jocks as they tried to get me to say it, laughing and riding me about it. Yes I was bullied a lot – it was the 80s and I lived in a small town in upstate New York. And small-town jocks can be dicks, so yes I did grow to really hate that song and the resulting cultural phenom that it left in it’swake.
Once I had my first real adult relationship with my now ex-husband, it became a private joke between the two of us, in the 90s. Me sucky sucky and all that. It made us giggle and laugh because I was FAR from that stereotypical Vietnamese prostitutefrom the Full Metal Jacket movie and he was far from a typicalwhite male douche due to his deeply artistic background. But it didn’t bother me, and we did say it a lot back then. But TO EACH OTHER.
So when my brother in law and his wife presented me with this gift, purchased during their recent trip to Hawaii and meant as a thank you for watching their house and pets, I struggled with my feelings. Should I just ignore that feeling in the pit of my stomach signaling something was not right, or the slow hot feeling of anger as it crept up the back of my neck. Like, c’mon Emmy just blow it off – it is a popular culture expression now and everyone has heard of it and probably uses it and they don’t MEAN to be racist or insulting or make you feel uncomfortable. So it’s in your head – just join in and laugh. After all, if you can’t laugh at yourself then maybe you do sucky sucky, right?
Noo, not right. And hey maybe I am wrong here, but this is just how I feel. It fuckin’ bugged me and bugged me for the two weeks after until I had more time to think this through. The thing is, I’m NOT okay with it becoming part of pop culture. And I am certainly NOT okay for it now to be so acceptable that it is printed on “decorations” meant for others to buy and display on their wall/office/home/place of business. It somehow makes it okay to use this expression that really is not right, saying that all Asian woman with accents (or without, for that matter – I have never spoken any other language than English and do not have an accent) are there for your whore-ing pleasure. And that we all love to suck dick for profit. And that we somehow will love you long time no matter how shitty you treat us.
Then I remembered a very recent situation that happened to me over this past summer. While on a visit to Austin, TX (the state that is so known for their acceptance of non –alabaster skinned folks) I was approached by a homeless man. He was young, maybe in his 30s, seemingly not as grungy as other homeless I’ve encountered in NYC, SF and San Jose (a place infamous for their build-up of homeless encampments, rising up in the shadow of the tech bubble.) He asked for money, I said no I don’t have any. Then as he walked away, he was clearly mad and as his anger rose, he turned around and yelled “Me love you long time, bitch!!” Yes. That did happen. And YES, this Aries bitch did LOSE HER SHIT and began to yell at the top of my lungs “You dirty fuckin racist bigoted ASSHOLE. Shut the fuck up and keep walking, you little shit. How dare you fucking fuckety fuck fuck say that cock-sucking shit to me you worthless piece of street trash..” or something like that.
My point being – if in that situation it is racist what this homeless bum said to me, then why is it okay to print it on a wood plaque? It isn’t. if we accept the wood plaque then we accept that it is okay for this person or anyone to say this, and if said to an Asian woman, we should just laugh because society has accepted it. It’s just an expression, after all, right? It was in a movie we loved or in a song that we used to really love dancing to, so it is okay?
Well it really isn’t okay. And I hope I never see this plaque being sold again. In my mind, I’ve forgiven my extended family yet I have not explained my feelings about it to them. I plan to and hope that they can understand and not pull the “oh it was just a joke we thought was funny” card.
So, no, I won’t love you long time, I don’t want to sucky sucky, and no I’m not here for your sick submissive-Asian-girl fantasies.
Please, let’s kill “Me Love You Long Time.”
